If you’ve found yourself here reading this, you’re probably searching for ways to help someone you love who is grieving. When someone you care about is grieving, it’s completely normal to be at a loss for words.

We’ve carefully created a list of phrases to avoid — and phrases to use instead — when offering comfort to someone who is mourning.

What Not to Say

“I know just how you feel.”
It’s impossible to truly know how someone else feels, even if you’ve experienced a similar loss. Grief, like relationships and coping styles, is unique to each person.

“How are you?”
This is a polite social question, but to someone who is grieving, it may feel impossible to answer honestly — they may not even know how they’re feeling.

“Time will heal.”
While time can help someone process and adjust to a loss, this phrase can sound hurtful in the early stages of grief. It may unintentionally suggest that their loved one will become less important over time.

“If there’s anything I can do…”
A grieving person often doesn’t have the clarity or energy to identify what they need. Instead of leaving the decision to them, take initiative — assess what might help and offer something specific, like bringing a meal, running an errand, or simply sitting with them.

Avoid religious clichés such as:

• “God needed a special angel.”
• “They’re in a better place.”
• “Everything happens for a reason.”

Grief can deeply affect a person’s spiritual beliefs. Even someone with strong faith may temporarily struggle with “why” and feel conflicted or challenged in their beliefs.

What to Say Instead

• “I wish I had the right words to comfort you.”
• “I can’t imagine what you’re going through.”
• “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
• “I hope you feel surrounded by much love and support.”
• “It’s okay not to be okay.”

The most helpful thing you can do for someone who is grieving is to allow them to be where they are — without judgment or the need to fix their pain. Your presence, patience, and gentle understanding can mean more than any perfect words ever could.

We’re Here to Help

At Tillery Compassionate Care, we know that grief is as individual as the person experiencing it. Our trained professionals are here to walk alongside you or your loved one through every step of the grieving process — with compassion, understanding, and care.

We offer individual and family counseling, support groups, educational workshops, and memorial services designed to provide comfort and connection.

If you or someone you love could use extra support, we invite you to reach out. You don’t have to walk through grief alone.

By: Allison N. Wike Medlin, MA, Bereavement Coordinator

Judy Cline, LCSW, Bereavement Counselor