Getting Acquainted with Your Grief 

You’re likely reading this because you’ve lost someone you love. My deepest condolences to you. Grief isn’t a stranger to any of us. From the moment we’re born, loss visits us again and again through the transitions of life.

As Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt — a well-known grief counselor — once said: “Grief waits on welcome, not time.” Before you actively welcome and face your grief, it may help to understand a few different types of grief.

What Are the Different Types of Grief?

Anticipatory Grief

This is when grief starts before the loss happens — for example, when a loved one receives a terminal diagnosis. With anticipatory grief, you might feel fear of the upcoming loss, worry about changes in their thinking or mobility, or fear loss of motivation and morale for both you and your loved one.

Complicated Grief

When a loss occurs suddenly — via a health event, traumatic death, a child dying, or multiple stresses piling up — grief can become complicated. With complicated grief, you may struggle to return to everyday life, experience intense responses like nightmares or phobias, or actively avoid your grief altogether.

“Normal” or Common Grief

This is what many people mean when they say “grieving”. It doesn’t mean easy — far from it. You can grieve in a healthy, “normal” way even while being deeply sad and missing someone you love.

Normal grief involves common emotions and reactions: that hollow feeling in your stomach, extreme fatigue, loneliness, anger, guilt, shame, relief, confusion, or even over-reacting. When you lose someone you love, you are not crazy for “losing it”.

At Tillery Compassionate Care we have trained professionals ready to walk with you through your grief: to help you become familiar with it, welcome it, and attend to it. We offer individual counseling, family counseling, support groups, educational and therapeutic workshops, and memorial services.

By: Allison N. Wike-Medlin, MA

Bereavement Coordinator at Tillery Compassionate Care

Sources: 

Cleveland Clinic. (2023, February 22). Grief: What is grief? Types, symptoms & how to cope. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24787-grief

Ernstmeyer, K., & Christman, E. (Eds.). (2021). Nursing Fundamentals [Internet]. Chippewa Valley Technical College. Chapter 17: Grief and Loss. National Center for Biotechnology Information. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK591827/Wolfelt, A. D. (2021). Understanding your grief: Ten essential touchstones for finding hope and healing your heart (2nd ed.). Companion Press.